I have spoken before (I don't know how to link to previous posts...so you can look in May 2009), about the Mommy Club and how I longed to be a part of this elusive group. I have longed to sit with a group of mothers and feel like I really belonged. Finally, I would fit in. I had a couple of adoptive parents say to me that I'd never really belong in the club, and I didn't believe them.
Turns out, they were right. I felt like an idiot sitting with a group of women at a baby shower this weekend. I had nothing to contribute. My experiences were not theirs, and while mine were no less painful, they were not the same. No, I don't know what it's like to carry a baby inside of me. I don't know what it's like to bring a baby home from the hospital for the first time or figure out if I should go the breast milk or formula route. People think I have no idea what it's like to get up hour after hour with a crying baby (FALSE!). I don't know what it's like to see my baby smile, or walk, or talk for the first time. I even had someone comment to me "Oh sure, you've left the hard part to us." I may have one foot in the door, but no, I am not in the club. It sucks. I wish it didn't bother me so much to be on the outskirts, to be judged, to feel insecure.
Hmm....Maybe I don't want to be in that club. Jacob couldn't be more mine if I gave birth to him myself. I couldn't love him more if I had've carried him for nine months. While I ache to have known him for the first two years of his life, to have carried him for nine months and saw his face before anyone else, I won't be bitter about a past I can't change.
I just wish it didn't hurt so much when that clubhouse door is slammed in my face.
*I should make sure to point out that not all mommies (who gave birth to their children) make me feel this way...*
4 comments:
Anybody who says "Oh sure, you've left the hard part to us." is a jerk and deserves a swift kick.
I agree with Adam, those douchebags deserve a kick in the teeth ... or somewhere else more sensitive perhaps.
You are a part of the "mommy club." There are so many more things that make you a mom. You share your love with a fantastic little boy. You have to learn to adjust everyday. You provide a caring and stable environment for him. It's to bad that some people are so insensitive that they say stupid things. I admire and respect your journey.
From a husband's perspective, seeing his wife care for his child as though nothing else in the world is as important as that...that is the true entry into the "mommy club".
Sure all those other opinions are still out there...but only two really matter. A husband can see his wife as a beautiful mother. A young child has no doubt about who his mommy is.
Rock on.
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