This Year....

This week last year, I was in a very different spot. Wow. It's really, really hard to believe how much has changed in such a short time. It's almost hard to look back there.

I posted last year about those ugly pink carnations that are handed out at church. I posted about how much I longed earn them - about how I longed to deserve them. Oh, how I hate those stupid flowers!!! This year, I am a mother - as much as any other woman who loves her child more than life. But the ache of infertility will always be on my heart. I never want to forget - it will always leave Mother's Day as a bittersweet holiday for me.

So this year when they hand out those ugly flowers (seriously, who likes carnations??), I will decline. I will decline for all of those women who are still waiting for their miracle. I will decline for all of those women who have lost babies along the way. I will decline for those who are being raised by women who are terrible to them. I will decline for the woman who's wondering how her baby is on this day after giving me the ultimate gift. Yes, my joy is complete and my prayers have been answered, so I will squeeze my son tightly and let my husband make me breakfast in bed, but, I will not take one of those pink flowers.