Sad.

Crappy day. Crappy, crappy day. One of the sweetest little girls you could ever meet (seriously, I'm not just saying that) had to say good-bye to her mom yesterday. Her mom has had cancer for well over a year which had metasticized, but I had a meeting with her and her husband last week and everything seemed like it was okay. On Mother's Day mom had to go into the hospital. My sweet little student told me on Monday that they celebrated together on Saturday. She just thought Mom was having some tests done. I found out Monday night that the cancer had quickly spread to her brain and to start preparing for her death. Heartbreaking. This morning I found out that mom died yesterday. The girls (8 and 4) were able to talk to their mom on the phone on Tuesday night to say good-bye.

How do you tell 20 8 year olds that their friend had lost her mom? How do you comfort them and reassure them that there parents would be there when they got home? How do you look a little girl in the eyes knowing that her world will never be the same again?

What a sad, sad day...

Awesome quotes from my kids...

I love my job....I hear so many funny things every day, and thought that I needed to start writing some of these down...





"We can't go outside, I have a lot more learning to do."





"I love you Mrs. Kennedy because you learned me a lot"





"Oh crap!"





"Dammit, dammit, dammit!"





"I had a great March Break. My mommy met a new friend. He made me pancakes every morning."





"My favourite game is gwenefotaafor (Grand Theft Auto Four)."





During a math work period: "Hey! Hey Mrs. Kennedy! Hey! Over here! We're having fun over here!!"

"Mrs. Kennedy you are old and you are going to die."

"Hey! You are tricking us...this is fun!"

"I am not going to Grade 3 next year. I am going to a new school. I am going to karate school with you."

Not Me Wednesday

Okay, okay, I know that I should be doing "Not Me" stuff on Mondays...but I had to get it out there today. Here it goes:

I did NOT wear my wedding dress at school today. Also, the buttons did NOT pop with every breath I took. I did NOT let one of my students try it on and chase others around pretending to kiss them. This would all be too silly and not good educational practice.

I did NOT gag as one of my sweet students ate a booger SO big that she actually had to chew it (it all honesty I DID try to stop her). I did NOT let her continue on after I realized that she probably would have spit it into my hand.

I did NOT begin to giggle uncontrollably after two of my students passed gas and I certainly did NOT let the rest of my class laugh as well (including the tooters of course). That would have taken too much time from my math lesson.

I do NOT love my job.

:)

Straight A's...

Thanks to those of you who've commented/emailed/called me over the past few days....it's been a rough week (mostly with me feeling sorry for myself), mostly I just needed to get some burdens off my heart. But I also needed to know that people care. Thank you.

That being said, I am so blessed to have the job I do. There are times when it breaks my heart, there are times when it drives me crazy (my kids call it "making me go grey"), but I LOVE waking up and going to work every day. I love watching my kids learn and grow. I love to see even the small successes. I love to have them tell me about their weekends and the funny stories that go along with that. I am tired, but fulfilled when I leave (most) days.

These guys seem to know when I'm having a rough week...in the middle of a lesson this morning, one little girl hugged my legs and said "You're the best teacher ever!" (should I be worried that it came right after a poem on how to torture your teacher???) Then as I was telling one of my little guys that I was away the other day because I was learning how to be a better teacher he looked at me and said, "But you already are a better teacher!"

Straight A's for those two....

B :)

Mommy's Day...

Of all the days on the calendar, Mother's Day is definately the hardest for me. I am happy and honoured to celebrate my Mom(s) and Grandmas. I've been blessed with amazingly strong women in my life and they deserve to be honoured. But as someone who's always wanted to be honoured in that way, it's also a day filled with pain and tears.

I can handle teaching my students to celebrate and honour those who take care of them (whether it's their mom, step mom, dad, aunt, grandma, etc...). Motherhood is the hardest (and most rewarding) career of them all, and moms deserve to be celebrated. The hardest thing for me has been heading to church on Mother's Day morning where people have known about my heartache...

Being the only "childless" adult female at my church a few years ago, I sat and watched as all of the mother's were brought to the front to be honoured. Of course this is something they deserve, but I literally felt like I was being punched in the stomach as I thought that I would never be up there with them. I felt like a failure as my imperfections were being highlighted for ALL to see.

Last year, every mother at my current church was given a carnation (I faked sick the year before because I couldn't deal with going). In fact, so many were bought that most moms got a half a dozen. Shouldn't be that heartbreaking really (carnations are ugly), but to have those who know and love me look me over was painful. It just makes it crystal clear to everyone (or at least me) that I'm not in the momma club and thought I may never be. What a blessing to have one sweet woman come over and share one of her flowers with me.

If I can work up the courage to show up, this year will be hard as well, I'm sure. Already, the expectant moms have been asked to share their favourite song in service (I'm not expecting anything, so I shouldn't be hurt, right??), and I'm sure that all the moms will get their carnations again. I'll be wondering if next year will finally be my year. If I'll finally deserve that ugly pink carnation and the right to choose my favourite song (which I'm sure no one will know anyways)....oh how I ache to be one of those women!!

Once again, I think that mothers should be honoured. They shape lives every day. They put the needs of others before their own. They worry and love and care like no one else can. They deserve their own day. But I ask that in the midst of the celebrations, if for just a moment you could think about all of the women who are in the lives of your children. Aunties, Friends, Teachers, Babysitters and all of the women who care about the little ones you love more than anything. If you know someone who is struggling with infertility or the ache of wanting to be a mommy, just think for a moment about them and let them know that they are in your thoughts. It will make a world of difference on a hard, hard day. Then enjoy your breakfast in bed...because you deserve it.

B.

Tired...

I am tired tonight.

I'm tired working my butt off in hopes that I'll get a permanent position within my board only to hear that there's going to be none available.

I'm tired of having to prove myself over and over again, and worrying constantly about where I'll be working next year (or if I'll be working next year).

I'm tired of doing a job that I love so much while feeling that I am never doing it good enough.

I'm tired of waiting for all of the things that I want most in life only to feel like they are never going to happen.

I'm tired of feeling guilty for being tired of all of these things.

I'm tired.

B.