Thursday, June 11, 2009

Hillsong Weekend!

What a great weekend (okay, I know that it's almost next weekend...forgive me!)! I got to spend Saturday with my bestie, just hanging out, walking, eating...awesome. I love, love, love her! I love it that I can be real with her, and that she can see right through me even when I'm not being real with myself. We understand each other in a way that I don't think anyone else does. I know whole-heartedly that she was placed in my life for a reason. I truly and honestly don't know what I would do without her. Seriously don't know what I would do.

That's not where I was going with this post...but it's who I was with (so there!). We had been planning on going to a Hillsong United worship at Ontario Place. The concert wasn't until 6, but we thought we'd hang out together during the day...I was only a little bitter that I was missing out on the fun that our "play all day" passes at Ontario Place had in store. Anyways...we went for a walk (because we're going to be walking 60km together in September and I hadn't done one bit of training yet!), and got to talking. I had been feeling down again...frustrated that I wasn't getting the answers that I was looking for fast enough...frustrated that I could feel myelf falling into a hole, and I wasn't sure I could get out of it. Well, as we were talking, we realized that we were both in that same spot...what a blessing to know you're not alone!

We finally got to Ontario Place at 5pm...and the first thing I realized was that Ontario Place is like a mini Wonderland...their Drop Zone is no higher than my house. I guess I wasn't missing out on much fun! Anyways...we waited FOREVER in line, each ate a hotdog in about 30 seconds when we learned we couldn't bring food into the venue...and sat down to worship.

I must admit, I was excited to be there, but my heart was hard. Again, I'm mad about the hole I can't find a way out of, the answers I'm not getting, the bitterness and doubt that I'm constantly struggling with. I was looking for God to show himself in a big way, but I wasn't so sure he'd come through for me. Silly me, he ALWAYS does, but I ALWAYS forget. We stood to sing "Mighty to Save" and I felt my heart beginning to melt...
Saviour, He can move the mountains

My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever, author of salvation
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty save...

My arms were up and open wide... and it only got better from there. These were words I knew, but I needed them to touch my heart again. Then a speaker got up and gave a brief message. I couldn't tell you much of what he talked about, but I remember how he ended...He asked for anyone who was hurting, or needed healing, or was looking for an answer to raise their hand. I put my hand in the air. He prayed for all of us with our hands in the air. The 50 000 people who were there prayed together. For me??? For me!! Call me crazy, but I literally felt the Spirit moving in me. I could feel my sadness begin to disappear. I remembered that I serve a God who is SO much bigger than my hurts and fears. I serve a God who has shown me time and time again that He will take care of me, that He loves me, that He is doing what's best for me.

What an amazing worship. Worshipping in a way causes changes of heart and mind. Opening up your heart completely and feeling Him come inside. Wanting nothing more than to sing with everything within you, and raise your hands in utter awe of the amazing God we serve.

That was Saturday. This is Thursday. I haven't talked to my bestie in a few days (well, I called her in a panic because I lost my visa and health card on Saturday...), I haven't gotten any real answers. Doubt, bitterness and worry are starting creep back in. I know that God is faithful. I know that he hears me and I know that he'll answer. But why don't I believe that? Why can't I just trust Him and his plan? Why can't things just be the way I want them?


Emily MacKenzie said...

I just got chill's reading this post. It's amazing when we let ourselves truly encounter God, and equally amazing how quickly we forget that power. I struggle with the exact same thing...really 'believing' God and what He has promised He has in store for us...the abundant life. It's encouraging and relieving to know other people have the same human tendencies.
Some times I don't even understand what I'm doing that's distancing me from God, when I don't want to be distant.
I guess it's a good thing it's about "The Journey" and not the destination. And that God is such a patient, loving God. Wow...this is getting long for a comment... :)
One more thing - you do have the best bestie in the world! And so does she.

veronking2003 said...

'Mighty to Save' is one of my favorite songs...and one of the songs that my kids know by heart and sing along to! The words are as powerful as the music and a great reminder of the great God we serve.

I know this may sound silly, but it's refreshing for me to read the posts of you (and your bestie, who I also think is great) and know that your struggles are not your own. You all touch me in so many ways, and your journeys bless so many others. Even though we don't always have the answers for our own questions in life, God uses the weak, broken, confused, and needy to bring Him to the world.

Anyway, as my post is becoming very long as well, I guess I'm trying to say that I am constantly praying for you and your journey. I wish I we all lived closer so I could get to know you better!