Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Feel free to skip this post...

I am having a hard time writing just what I want to say here right now...I really just need to vent. After an amazing weekend filled with so many great things, I have had a week filled with some dousy (is that a word?) comments. I am having a hard time holding it together...people are either incredibly mean or incredibly ignorant...and while I say stupid things all of the time, I wish some people would just learn to keep their mouths shut or think before they speak!!

1. I had a co-worker come up to me this week and ask about adoption (no biggie...I LOVE to talk about it). As we were finishing our conversation (about how hard the wait is, how much I miss him, how complicated and long the process is, etc, etc, etc), this mother of two biological children actually had the nerve to say to me: "I wish I had've adopted. It's so much easier than giving birth."
Did you not just hear a word I said??

Jacob is my son. There is no doubt about that. There is also no doubt that childbirth and raising a little baby is freak'n crazy tough. But without having walked even a step in my shoes how can you possibly say that I took the easy way out. I would give anything, anything, to have Jacob in my arms right now. I would give anything to have carried him for 9 months. I would give anything to have felt him in my arms the second he was born, to be so tired that I can't think straight because he was up and crying all night long. I would give anything to know everything that went into his body during his first two years of life, to have been a part of every experience and milestone. Let me assure you, ignorant woman, that I in no way took the easy way out.

2. I had a parent call me this morning about a grade that I had given her child on a presentation. The grade was a level 3 (or B), which is the goal for students. I completely respect and appreciate parents sharing their concerns with me, and I listen and always respond to them. I've never led them to believe anything differently. Well this mother said to me "Do you have any kids? Then you just can't understand." As if because I don't have children of my own I don't care about the needs and feelings of others. THis is the exact reason why I became a teacher!!! I wanted so badly to put her in her place and tell her exactly why I don't have kids (all of the parents in my class, including her, know about our adoption), but either I couldn't think fast enough or I was too caught off guard to say what I wanted to say. It could also be that I am so sensitive about my teaching...I work very hard to make sure my students get the best of me. I screw up regularly, but there are few things I work harder at.

I try hard not to complain about what I have missed out on. Yes, there are times when it hurts unbearably. Those times are amplified by hurtful comments like these. But God has always been good to me. He has always, always, always shown his goodness and faithfulness in the midst my heartaches. He's good...he doesn't need to prove himself...but when my faith is weak, his mercy is strong. He has never left my side.

Phew...I feel better!!!


Lucy Marie said...

Ick. This just makes me want to cringe.

Sarah and Mike said...

It hurts to know that during a sensitive time, people say such inconsiderate things...

Know that you ARE a parent and you DO have a child! Fate has connected you to him since he entered this world, and I believe a part of you - the hope for you - has been with him during each experience he has gone through.

Most reasonable parents know that there are no 'easy way outs' when it comes to children. Birth, adoption, surrogate, IVF, whichever... each equally has anguish and joy. Ignorance is the correct term for those that don't acknowledge that!!

Logi said...

Wow, I mean wow. I hope you have a better day tomorrow Becky.