Saturday, January 30, 2010

Jacob...Here We Come!!!

We are t-8 hours from taking off to see our little boy again!!! There's no leaving him behind this time...our worlds are about to be ROCKED!! I cannot, cannot, cannot wait!!

Please pray that everything goes smoothly (and please ask everyone you know to pray as well!) while we are in Russia, that we can come back as soon as possible (we are hoping that we'll be home February 9th, but we won't know until the 4th if that is the case), and that the transition is smooth for our sweet, sweet boy!

God is good!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Tomorrow is last day of work! Oh man, how my life is going to change....I'm going from focusing on my 20 "babies" for 6 hours a day to focusing on my baby for 24 hours a day. I simply can't wait for my world to change.

Of course, leaving is a little bittersweet. I am working at an amazing school, with an amazing staff, and amazing kids. This is the class that got to follow through this journey with me. These are the kids who said good-bye as I left for trip #1 to Russia. These are the kids who listened with sheer delight as I described my trip and my sweet, sweet boy. These are the kids who insisted on making an extra of every craft they made for Jacob. These are the guys who asked questions, and told stories about Jacob to everyone who entered our room. These are the kids who gave me a candy cane to give to Jacob simply because he's never tried one. These are the kids who wrote letters to Jacob to tell him all about Canada (and promised to be his best friend...). Totally bittersweet. I don't think I could be more thankful to have been through this journey with them. Their sweetness is how I will always remember them. I truly, and honestly love, love, love my job...and I know that my next job will be that much better. God is so good.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Sweet, Sweet Boy,

It's just over a week until our family becomes official. Of course, you were mine since the moment I laid eyes on your beautiful face, and you had been growing in my heart for months, no years, before that. We have ached every moment that you weren't with us, but we know that you were well cared for by amazing, selfless people. You never left our thoughts, every experience we had during these past two months, we've dreamed about how much better it will be with you.

Our worlds are about to be rocked. We are taking you from everything that is familiar to you and bringing you to a world full of unknowns. We promise to do everything we can to make the journey smooth. We have spent hours planning and preparing for you to come home. Your dad made you a headboard, and painted your room...we think you will love it. We thought about all of the stories and snuggles that will be happening there while we painted, built, folded, organized (and reorganized). Your Grammie made you a beautiful quilt to go on your bed. While you sleep you'll have her love surrounding you!! So many people showered us with gifts for you. You are completely loved already!!

Sweet little man, we have BIG dreams for you. We want you to be happy. We promise to treat you like the blessing and answered prayer that you are every day. Every day. We want you to know how loved you are. Most of all, we want you to know about a very BIG God who brought us to you. We want you to love Him the way we do. We want you to live a loved life, and we promise to live our lives the same way too. You already make us better people.

We promise to bring you to the zoo and to movies and to hockey games. We promise to take long walks just to explore the amazing world around us. Your mommy promises to do her best not to be a worry wart and shield you from everything. We promise to bring you to Disney World! Sweet boy, we never want to see you hurt, but when you are sad, we promise to give you hugs and kisses and icepacks, even for the inside hurts.

We love you completely and unconditionally. That will never change. Not a day goes by where we don't thank God for you. You are our living, breathing answered prayer...the most tangible example of God's love that we have ever experienced.

We love you, Sweet Boy, from the very bottom of our hearts!

Mommy and Daddy

Monday, January 18, 2010


I told my Grade 3s today that I would be leaving in a little more than a week to go and get sweet Jacob....those sweeties applauded (I hope it was for him and not because I'm leaving...;)!! They gave me a list of all of the things I should buy/bring for him (after seeing pics...Goldfish crackers were a must!). This class has been absolutely amazing through this experience-asking questions, and really wanting to learn more about the whole process. They definately highlight why I teach kiddies and don't work with crazy adults!!

Later in the day we began talking about the situation in Haiti...our school is putting on a fundraiser, so I wanted to give the guys some perspective. Well, wouldn't you know that this was the first one to come up....

My heart is with those who are waiting for their babies to come home...I worry about Jacob every second of every day. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to have to watch this devastation on TV, knowing that your children are there. There have been so many more stories that have touched my core...such unbelievable devastation. God be with them.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

He's Coming Home!!

February 4th is officially the day that will change my life forever. Sweet Jacob changed my life the fist time I saw his sweet face...but now it's official! My sweet boy is coming home!!!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


So after yesterday's downer, I thought I'd just add a little something to brighten things up. I had a student hand me their homework this morning (well, just a review sheet...we're not allowed to give "homework"). I took it from him as he said to me: "I did this on the toilet. I always do my homework on the toilet because I can think really well there. THe only problem is that my butt gets sweaty."

That. Is. Disgusting.

I love my job. Kids are awesome (disgusting, but awesome).

p.s. Thanks so much to those of you who commented/posted. I felt bad that you had to read it...but it means so much to know that you empathize with me. I like it even more that there are those of you who are willing to punch people for me! My life is a blessing and I have no regrets. Love you all...

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Feel free to skip this post...

I am having a hard time writing just what I want to say here right now...I really just need to vent. After an amazing weekend filled with so many great things, I have had a week filled with some dousy (is that a word?) comments. I am having a hard time holding it together...people are either incredibly mean or incredibly ignorant...and while I say stupid things all of the time, I wish some people would just learn to keep their mouths shut or think before they speak!!

1. I had a co-worker come up to me this week and ask about adoption (no biggie...I LOVE to talk about it). As we were finishing our conversation (about how hard the wait is, how much I miss him, how complicated and long the process is, etc, etc, etc), this mother of two biological children actually had the nerve to say to me: "I wish I had've adopted. It's so much easier than giving birth."
Did you not just hear a word I said??

Jacob is my son. There is no doubt about that. There is also no doubt that childbirth and raising a little baby is freak'n crazy tough. But without having walked even a step in my shoes how can you possibly say that I took the easy way out. I would give anything, anything, to have Jacob in my arms right now. I would give anything to have carried him for 9 months. I would give anything to have felt him in my arms the second he was born, to be so tired that I can't think straight because he was up and crying all night long. I would give anything to know everything that went into his body during his first two years of life, to have been a part of every experience and milestone. Let me assure you, ignorant woman, that I in no way took the easy way out.

2. I had a parent call me this morning about a grade that I had given her child on a presentation. The grade was a level 3 (or B), which is the goal for students. I completely respect and appreciate parents sharing their concerns with me, and I listen and always respond to them. I've never led them to believe anything differently. Well this mother said to me "Do you have any kids? Then you just can't understand." As if because I don't have children of my own I don't care about the needs and feelings of others. THis is the exact reason why I became a teacher!!! I wanted so badly to put her in her place and tell her exactly why I don't have kids (all of the parents in my class, including her, know about our adoption), but either I couldn't think fast enough or I was too caught off guard to say what I wanted to say. It could also be that I am so sensitive about my teaching...I work very hard to make sure my students get the best of me. I screw up regularly, but there are few things I work harder at.

I try hard not to complain about what I have missed out on. Yes, there are times when it hurts unbearably. Those times are amplified by hurtful comments like these. But God has always been good to me. He has always, always, always shown his goodness and faithfulness in the midst my heartaches. He's good...he doesn't need to prove himself...but when my faith is weak, his mercy is strong. He has never left my side.

Phew...I feel better!!!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Showers of Blessings!

My sweet friends threw me my first shower yesterday. Many of them pooled their money together and got me a lot of stuff from my registry. All of them purchased books that were significant to them or their kids, or books they knew would be special to Jacob. I spent the day in shock and even today I'm still in shock that all of this was for me (well for him, but you get it). I am more than blessed to have these girls in my life, and so so grateful for their thoughtfulness.
I was browsing through the books that I got and I opened the cover of one called: "My Mom and Me." It wasn't the title that got me, it was what was written inside the front cover: This book belongs to Jacob Kennedy. Oh man, I have been VERY good at holding it together, but the tears started flowing. This book is his. These are the books that my little man is going to be reading (and colouring in, and ripping...) as he grows older.
I miss my guy more than I can even begin to put into words. I want to smell his freshly shampooed hair, and sit and colour with him at his teeny table. I want him to taste my chocolate chip cookies and meet all of the people who have been praying so long for him. I want him to read his books. I don't want to wait another day, another hour, another minute.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Happy New Year!

I haven't posted in a while...partly because I've had nothing new to report, and partly because I just haven't felt like it. We had a wonderful Christmas, and were so thankful to finally have something to look forward to this year. In terms of infertility, Christmas has been the hardest time (next to Mother's Day) for me. I spent years searching for the greatest presents for my neices and nephews but always felt empty wondering when it would finally be my turn.

I expected to crumble this year knowing that Jacob was waiting for us while we celebrated with our family. But God was so good and blessed both of us with strength and courage. He blessed us with loved ones who recognized that Jacob is a very real part of our family and showered him with gifts. I can't believe that I didn't spend every second crying...I just can't wait for him to see all of his new things. Speaking of which, we haven't heard yet about when we're going back to bring him home...we are still praying for the end of January.

We spent a TON of time decorating Jacob's room. It took me FOREVER to decide how to decorate it, but I am so glad with how it turned out. WIth everything we chose, purchased, painted or put away we thought and dreamed about and prayed for the sweet, sweet little boy who would soon be spending his nights there. My heart just aches wanting him to be there when I walk in!! I promise to post pictures soon!!

More soon...